Communication in Your Primary Language

Communication, especially in today’s time, is very essential to the functionality of the world. A person can communicate in different ways:, verbal, written, nonverbal, and listening. Thus, the way in which we express these methods of communication is called our language.

Many times on applications or filling out your children school forms, you must answer the question: What is your primary language? To those that speak only one language, this may seem like an irrelevant question. However, by living in the “melting pot,” we encounter several languages in the workplace and schools.

You’re wondering what this have to do with the purpose for Unpolished Silver Spoon? Well, you know, the communication in your primary language stuff is about to go a little deeper right?

Let’s get to it…

Primary language vs. first language. Yes, there can be a difference. Some may not use their first language as their primary language.  Think about someone growing up in an English speaking home. All of their communication is done in English. (first language:English, primary language: English).  However, this person lands a job abroad as an English teacher in Spain. Even though they still speak English, they begin to speak and write more in Spanish, because communication is a lot easier with everyday living. (first language: English, primary language: Spanish).

Key Point #1:


Key Point #2:

Reasons for communication in any language:

1. Convey Emotions 2. Give a Directive 3. Educate/ Inform

Key Point #3


Polisher’s Thought:

It is imperative for our growth and success to communicate



We may mark English, Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, etc. on paper as being a primary language, but should we mark Nayese? (YES! I did just add a word to the dictionary.)

Sometimes our upbringing and current circumstances create a perspective of negativity. This then is shown during the communication of others through our language. Nayese can be our first AND primary language. But as we learned from Key Point #1: Primary language can change. GOOD NEWS!

Gary W. Goldstein, famous movie producer, once said:

“All you can change is yourself, but sometimes that changes everything.”




A few examples to determine if your communication in you primary language is Nayese:

  1. I CAN’T

Child: “I can’t do it!”

Mom: “Child, don’t let me hear you say that ever again! You hear me?!”

Do you remember being chastised for saying this when you were younger? You sit there perplexed by what was such the big deal. You ask yourself, “Was that a curse word or something?’

Although an explanation about “I can’t” may have been enlightening. You just made sure that mom didn’t hear you say “I Can’t” again.

So do you say “I can’t?”


2. Negative Connotations

I remember speaking with a lady one day. At a point in our conversation, I misunderstood what she had said. I told her, “I’m sorry, I thought you said….” Instead of saying, “That’s okay baby,” this lady gave me a stern 2 second lecture. She said, “No. You’re NOT sorry! You say, “I apologize.”

I thought about it. Initially, my thought process was that this lady is too literal and needs to loosen up a little. But I thought about it later. This lady is right! Many times, some of the simplest words and/or phrases that we speak can alter or attitude and behavior. Many times without us even realizing it. Therefore, words with a negative connotation should be substituted in order to speak the right things in one’s life.

Psychologists use a technique called reframing to help their clients look at situations with a different perspective. It’s essentially looking at what is good and the benefits versus the bad and drawbacks. positive or negative communication

A great way to alter our communication in this way is to substitute words that have a negative meaning with a more positive word with a positive meaning. Forcing our communication to include these positive words or phrases can also encourage the positive shift in the way we feel and think.

Examples of word substitution:

  • Failure – Learning
  • Problem – Challenge
  • Anxious – Eager
  • Nosey – Interested

3. “If They….Then I….”

Another characteristic of Nayese is what I call the Third-Person Contingency syndrome. This is when communication includes a third party that the speaker feels has impacted the subject matter. Those who speaks Nayese lacks ownership in their communication. It’s what most call the blame game.

Charles R. Swindoll, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it.”


The following is a great start in eliminating the Third Party Contingency syndrome.

4. What Had Happened Was….

Busted! We may have all spoken a little Nayese in our lifetime. Tell me what’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear someone start a conversation off with:

“See what had happened was….”


Nayese has a lot of phrases that are really EXCUSES.

Polisher’s Thought:

Excuses are just words we say to excuse ourselves from the guilt of truth.

There are many reasons why communication involves excuses. Fear being the top reason.  I recommend reading Adam Sicinski’s discussion on this topic.

According to Infoplease, there are about 6,500 spoken languages in the world today. The most popular of them all is Mandarin Chinese. Spanish and English are next in line. However, after our discovery today, we need to add one more language to the list. The unique thing about Nayese, is that it’s universal.  It can be incorporated into any other language. O MY WORD! An incognito language! We must be on the lookout for those Naysayers speaking all that Nayese!

Are you using Nayese for your primary communication language? How is that communication impacting your emotions and outlook on life? Do you believe that it is better to communicate in a more positive manner? What changes will you make to improve your communication with others?