Have you ever held a grudge so long that the other person no longer seems to care? You are still upset and feeling misused, but the other person is going about their merry way as though nothing ever happened.
It makes you fire hot just thinking about it, doesn’t it? I mean blue blazes mad! lol!
On a more bigger scale, have you been on a rollcoaster of relationships with friends, family, acquaintances? You are dealing with depression, divorce, axiety, anger issues, etc?
One’s emotions, when negative, will place our minds in a state of discombobulation. Because of our heavy hearts, we are not where we need to be. Our mind is full of distractions and unproductive matter. The effects of this madness are missed opportunities, stagnation, even regression. Until we are able to sort properly through our emotions, there is no way anything positive can come from this cause and effect dilemma.
Let’s be honest. Letting go instead of holding on is TOUGH! However, the animosity and anger that builds from holding on to the past is a landmine for self, not the offender!
That’s why we must learn to LET GO!
You say… Impossible!
The above is a powerful song (Bag Lady by Erykah Badu) that speaks volume to our emotional baggage. That what we are holding on to isn’t anything more than baggage which gets very heavy as time goes on. Especially, when we continue to stack one on top of the other.
My favorite line in the song is:
“Bag lady you gon’ miss your bus. You can’t hurry up ’cause you got too much stuff”
I’m practically laughing each time on this line of the song. I can just picture this lady overloaded running trying to catch the bus. She’s dropping stuff everywhere. She’s having to go back and pick it all up and hope she can still make it to the bus on time. I think of her running like she has a bad leg because of all the bags. She’s carrying bags on her shoulder, on her back, in her hand, and even the rolling bag. This lady is in a mess! You may have actually seen this lady at a bus station or airport before. You sit there looking and saying: “Help her Jesus”. (o that’s just me huh…lol!)
But think about this for a second. This physical lady represents our emotional self. Always chasing what we need/want and can’t seem to get to it. All because we are so weighed down. While the thought of leaving some of that mess behind is unimaginable.
As you are reading I’m pretty sure you are agreeing, but still saying…. How?!
As I stated earlier, some emotional baggage is more difficult to deal with than others. Actually, what right does anyone has to rate the level of difficulty. Each person is different. What matters to me, may not matter to you. Therefore, it may not impact you the same.
Yet, I’ve pondered over many hardships that I and others have endured. This is what I’ve concluded… Much of what we are facing is because of what we are holding others accountable for.
Yes! We give others dominion over our well-being! Doesn’t sound sensible does it? Yet, we do!
Example: “If my parents would have taken better care of me, then I would be better off today.” “My boss shouldn’t be such a butt hole and I would be a better employee.” “If men weren’t such douche bags, then I would be happy in a relationship right now.” “My best friend would still be my best friend if they would’ve just paid the money back.” “All they have to do is say “I’m sorry.””
Someone has done you wrong, and this wrongdoing mustn’t go unpunished. Right? I gotta get ’em. Right?
Well… Do you really?
Take a moment and think about what you are holding on to. Think about the wrongdoer.
Ok. Now when you look at yourself and the wrongdoer; who seems to be impacted the most?
Yeah. You didn’t get ’em!
Actually, it’s not for us to get ’em. Each is accountable for their own actions. So instead of focusing on what they did….WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Let’s take Erykah’s song for example.
This lady has had some bad experiences. Possibly bad relationships, low self esteem and other insecurities. This lady may have encountered a good man. However, this potentially good relationship is doomed because she carries the old relationship in her heart. She brings along the hurt and pain. And all the while a good relationship is being destroyed. Instead of seeing the baggage causing destruction, she even blames the innocent man and puts him in the same bag of failures.
Question: Where are her wrongdoers in all of this? Those who contributed to her baggage?
Answer: They’re out there, somewhere, not being impacted by her self destruction!
(This is what we should understand and accept: There is a season of accountability in every person’s life. Whether we wish for it to be sooner or later, it is inevitable. Yet, it is not for us to decide.)
THE HOW: In order for this lady to enter into a productive and happy relationship, she must look at self — not the wrongdoer. She must understand herself. Love herself. After which, her fear of repeating the same mistakes would go away (uh huh, that’s it, that’s why we hold on to destruction even when we know it is wrong, FEAR!). Once this lady has taken care of SELF, her confidence takes the place of fear. She will know what she needs/want in a man. In future encounters, she will gladly welcome the gentleman or dismiss the unworthy.
SO LET’S DO THE BADU!
Let it go, let it go, let it go!
I mean let’s look at it in a more strategical manner. COST-BENEFIT ANALYSIS.
Cost-benefit analysis is what businesses use to evaluate the strength and weaknesses of alternatives. It is used to determine the best approach, or action, to take for benefit optimization.
If a situation has you bound. Try taking it to the pen and paper…HANDLE YOUR BIZ! 😉
For those situations that are more difficult to tackle alone. I congratulate you in advance for having the courage for seeking the appropriate help in taking back control over your life!
P.S. When you let go… Don’t draw it out and leave bread crumbs to find your way back to that mess either!
Today can be a day of self worth and tomorrow can be a day of reaping those benefits…. if you just lighten your load!
Thank you God for my polish and for giving me the strength to polish my silver spoon. Thank you Jesus for bearing my burdens on the cross, so I can walk light as feathers, despite my adversities. I know now how to handle what has happened to me. I will be accountable for my present AND future well being going forward. I give accountability of the past to its rightful owner. I LET GO AND LET GOD SO I CAN HANDLE MY BUSINESS! Amen.”
Remember the Polisher’s Creed.